


a litany of dreams

by phant0m



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, all oddballs ships have nods here, but this is mainly natsume-centric so i'll keep relationship tagging to a minimum, i love the oddballs so much thanks for coming to my TED talk, mainly just a lot of words for me to cry about how much i love the oddballs, vaguely canon compliant post-assemble sort of "fix-it" fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 07:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16635266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phant0m/pseuds/phant0m
Summary: we have not touched the stars,nor are we forgiven, which brings us backto the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,not from the absence of violence, but despitethe abundance of it.or: what natsume learns about rebuilding.





	a litany of dreams

**Author's Note:**

> some of you may remember this fic, as i had it up on ao3 briefly before my own creative fears caused me to remove it. per google drive, this fic was finished in august 2017, but aside from those couple of days it hasn't seen the light since. however, over a year later and in the wake of so much incredible oddballs content a la eccentric party night, i'm still really fond of it, so i'm overcoming the aforementioned fears to put it out here again.
> 
> though i tried to remain as roughly canon compliant as one can in a ship fic, i took some liberties regarding names, etc; i would assume that were they all romantically involved, shu would actually use natsume’s name, for example. otherwise, this fic ties into and directly follows the events of [magicians assemble](http://ensemble-stars.wikia.com/wiki/Magicians_Assemble), most importantly the final three chapters: _ash returns to the sky 7, 8_ , and _9_. hence second year rei. it’s also intended to provide some foundation for natsume’s ending monologue regarding the oddballs in pleiades night, which at the time of originally writing this fic was only roughly translated, but has turned out to be surprisingly relevant. i'm very happy about it.
> 
> title and summary taken from richard siken's "[snow and dirty rain](https://words-end-here.livejournal.com/35121.html)". recommended listening, if you're into that sort of thing: [retrograde](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XClvMMxBg1k). please do enjoy.

****Natsume can’t watch this.

Wataru is impressive, to be sure. He always is. The heavenly stage is alive and glimmering with his beauty and grace, the crowd captivated by the depth of his voice, his movements seamless, proud and powerful. The contrast of his pale hair against black feathers is not unlike that of a fallen angel, a being of love and elegance cast plunging through the clouds to meet a bloody and undignified end, though perhaps that was the intent; their Wataru always was one for symbolism, after all. They know that this will only end in loss. The first loss he has ever suffered, one he chose. Natsume can’t see his mentor, his hero, the shining star that captured his eye fall upon his sword and steal his own breath before the Emperor has the chance to steal it first. He can’t watch this.

He’s the first one to leave, and the only one. Only once he’s alone in the dim moonlit hallway, alone with the faintest echo of song that should sound more like gunfire, does he allow himself to start falling apart.

His back hits the wall, and his head pounds, and his eyes ache. He closes them, presses the heels of his hands into them hard enough to make light burst behind his eyelids. He hasn’t slept properly in days, wearing fatigue like a cloak, and for what? None of it mattered in the end. Nothing he could do was going to change the final outcome. No, perhaps the Oddballs were destined to fall from the very beginning. Perhaps monsters such as themselves are truly so unworthy of the light.

Natsume shakes his head. That’s not right; not for them, at least. Kanata, gentle like languid sea waves rolling in on low tide. Shu, as delicate as his own fine lace beneath the regal golden trim. Rei, all ardent murmurs in the night and an ill-fitting crown. Wataru, special and holy and _right_. They deserved more than this, more than the burden of protecting him. Perhaps it’s only himself he finds to be so unworthy. Had they not kept their arms wrapped so lovingly around him, he could have taken the brunt of the Emperor’s wrath, let himself be shattered to pieces so that they could have endured only the shrapnel of his sacrifice. He would have done it, for them; fought until his last breath for them. They are worth so much more than he could ever hope to become. He was never meant to be here. He should have let them go on, leave him behind, secondary, another Yumenosaki body fallen.

Instead, all he did was watch. All he could do was reach out in the dark for them as they fell, one by one.

He could never catch them.

Gritting his teeth, he drops his hands, reaches into the pocket of his uniform jacket and pulls out an envelope. He holds it away from his body like something liable to bite him at any moment. Plain, blank paper, cast in blue and silver from the light slanting in through the windows. Inside is the script he had written for Wataru no more than twelve hours ago, the handwriting sloppy and the ink damp with tears. His pen was a fool’s hope, the page a tongue for cheap dreams. He knows that now. There was no other way this scenario could end, and it was all for him.

Pain crawls up his throat. His wounds are a black hole, a void. He doesn’t look at the script. He rips it into pieces, savoring the sound of every tear like it will somehow claw apart the bitter ache of guilt in his chest, and lets the remains of his ridiculous wish scatter at his feet to be forgotten.

That’s when the door opens, noise and light spilling out, a cacophony that accompanies a recognizable silhouette.

“Natsume,” Shu says firmly, letting the door fall shut behind him and blanketing them with a depth of silence. His eyes flick between the paper on the floor and Natsume’s face. “What are you doing out here?”

Just the sight of Shu is a reminder. He’s trying to maintain himself, but his hands are trembling minutely, his face pale and drained. He hasn’t been comfortable in a crowd since the Emperor tore him down before one, flashes of faces only morphing themselves into flashes of his own failure. The murmurs of dissent follow him everywhere, the way they follow all of them, subtle as a shadow and sharp as a dagger. Natsume knows it’s affected Shu far more than it’s affected anyone else; their former sovereign, stripped of his diadem of gilded thorns and his throne of roses, left to wander barren and empty amongst the masses. He is beautiful, still, but the mirror of his pride has been shattered. He can no longer see it.

“I can’t watch this Happen,” Natsume murmurs, eyes cast away and throat raw when he speaks. He worries his lower lip between his teeth, crosses his arms over his chest, tries to shield the way he’s fraying at the edges. “I can’t watch another one of you fall victim to a tragedy you did nothing to Cause.”

“You aren’t obligated to watch.” Shu’s voice has a softer undertone to it now, and when he steps closer it takes Natsume a moment to discern if his somewhat gentled expression is the truth or just a sweet lie the shadows of the moonlight tell him. He does tend to show more care, with them, with him. “But it is already over regardless of whether we witness the finale or not. The stage is set, Natsume, and life as we know it is rarely ever fair.”

Natsume clenches his hands, and he can’t tell if he’s more hurt or angry, the two emotions muddled together and indistinguishable. “I tried to help Him,” he presses, insistent. “I tried to change this course while we still had a Chance. He turned me Away, and Rei-niisan wouldn’t even allow me to finish talking to Him.”

“We _didn’t_ have a chance,” Shu corrects him. “It was Wataru’s choice to end it here. To protect you."

“What if I didn’t want him to protect Me?” Natsume’s voice breaks from strain, shaking, and he grimaces. _Pathetic._ “I would’ve given anything for You, all of You, if it meant that I wouldn’t have to see you this Way. That’s why I came to Him. That’s why I…”

 _Tried_ , he can’t say, because try is all he could ever do and it never changed their minds. His desperation is a choke chain around his throat, pulling tighter, tighter. He wants to fix this so badly, but there’s nothing he can do; it’s slipped through his grasp already, fading like smoke on the breeze, and his fingers just keep passing through it. It’s over.

“Don’t you think we are aware of that?” Shu reaches out and Natsume does not deny him, never has, never will. When fingertips brush his cheek with such delicacy it’s almost as if they’re touching something sacred, he stays perfectly still, wary of tarnishing the moment. He can see the flicker of light in Shu’s eyes before he leans in to press his lips to Natsume’s forehead, just the ghost of a kiss. Natsume’s throat constricts. “You are foolish to think we don’t feel the same about you. We would have given anything to protect something so precious, and we have done so. In time, you will come to understand why that was necessary.”

Natsume swallows hard, his voice barely above a whisper. “Shu-niisan, I...”

They’re interrupted by the sound of the door opening again, and Shu immediately relinquishes Natsume and steps back as though burned, glancing behind him. Rei is pulling Kanata gently out of the light and cheers of the live, their fingers intertwined. Natsume barely has time to process this before Rei covers the space between them in long strides. He grabs Shu’s hand as they brush past, leaving Kanata to grab Natsume’s hand with a little giggle, all of them pulled down the hallway.

“Rei-niisan, can you _at least_ explain what is going on before whisking us away on another one of your mysterious midnight Adventures?” Natsume asks, stumbling to try to keep the pace and exchanging a look with Shu, who appears to be on the verge of hitting one of them. Probably Rei.

“Sorry to disappoint, but it’s nothin’ like that. Live’s about to be lettin’ out,” Rei explains gruffly, pulling all of them into the nearest unlocked classroom before letting go of Kanata and Shu to close the door and lock it behind them. Natsume blinks at him slowly, and Rei smirks, flashing a fang in the process. “Figured the two of you wouldn’t want to be gettin’ caught out in the public masses like that.”

“Like _what_?” Shu asks accusatorily, and Rei just barks a laugh and gives him a wink. Shu scowls, but it doesn’t make for a very convincing argument with a flush creeping up his cheeks.

Natsume’s eyes roam aimlessly over the classroom. It’s desolate, bathed in empty, cold moonlight just like the hallway. He runs his fingers over the wood of one of the desks closer to the door, the familiar sensation like knives between his ribs. There used to be nights before the war where the five of them would’ve made a mess of a place like this, would’ve filled it with jokes and magic and clandestine kisses between clouds and rain, but now they’re just using it to hide from the dogs snapping at their heels. He casts a wary sidelong glance at the door when he hears the distant sound of the crowd flooding out in the other direction, voices carried their way as ghosts in the wind. There were times where the thrill of being found may have been exciting to them too, but those times are long dead by now, the thrill replaced with a fear they don’t deserve. His skin prickles with it. What could be said if they _were_ found? How could the Emperor twist this, too, into another nail to drive further into their metaphorical coffin?

So caught up in thinking, he doesn’t realize one of his hands is still taken until Kanata squeezes it, and the sensation pulls him from his stupor. Kanata’s head is tilted in that whimsical sort of manner that belongs only to him, but his brow is furrowed like he’s trying to discern something.

“You alright, Natsume?” Rei is lounging back against the door, watching him. If Shu has perhaps gravitated a bit too close to be necessary and if Rei has a hand on the small of Shu’s back, none of them mention it. It’s like a momentary glimpse of normality. “You seem off. We were worried about you, y’know?”

Kanata nods his agreement, and Natsume clears his throat. _Worried about you_ , Rei says, as if he expected Natsume to break down, and here he’s been bringing the prophecy to life himself. Even now, when things could be normal and they could be laughing, when Rei could be teasing and Kanata could be smiling and butting his head against Shu’s shoulder playfully, nothing feels the same to him. It hurts, like glass broken and pieced back together all wrong. He can’t pretend it doesn’t.

Rei’s world is being split at the seams, his kingdom crumbling around him, his loyal subjects left dying for the fatal crime of being loved by him and his crown ripped from his hands. Kanata is hurting too deeply, trying to paint the pretty picture of a smile to disguise the worn tales of pain layered underneath. Yet even now, they’re still more worried about Natsume than themselves. Worried about the little one who won’t be able to take it, the one who isn’t strong enough, the one who will crumble to pieces feeling he can’t be fixed.

Natsume clenches his jaw. He wants to be strong enough. “I’m Fine,” he lies.

“Nacchan is not ‘fine’.” Though Kanata’s words are light as usual, they’re underscored with a sense of soft force that feels like the way moon pulls tide, and he’s frowning at Natsume now. “Why are you ‘lying’ to us?”

“Kanata,” Shu says in warning. “Don’t push him.”

“I think we can all tell he’s not bein’ honest, Shu,” Rei murmurs.

Natsume pulls his free hand through his hair, averting his eyes from all of them with a frown. “You don’t have to discuss me as though I’m not Here, you Know.”

“Nacchan should ‘talk’ to ‘all’ of us,” Kanata insists, beckoning his attention back. He releases Natsume to rest his hands gently on the sides of Natsume’s face instead, his skin cool, the contact hypnotic. There’s always a soothing tranquility to the simple way Kanata touches him. He feels safe within that, like nothing painful has ever touched him or ever will again, and he has to put forth conscious effort to maintain eye contact instead of succumbing to that feeling. Kanata’s seafloor eyes feel like sinking. “We’re a ‘family’, and we ‘love’ each other. That means we ‘love’ you. You should ‘tell’ us what’s ‘wrong’ so we can ‘help’, right?”

“It’s not that Easy,” Natsume replies with a huff, reaching up so that he can touch the back of one of Kanata’s hands, skim his skin softly, feel that he’s real and here and grounding him. “I don’t want to be any more of a burden to all of you than I already have Been. I should be able to handle this on my Own, the way I should have in the first Place.”

“ _Not_ a ‘burden’,” Kanata presses, gripping him tighter, and his gaze comes alive with a spark Natsume has only glimpsed in a select few situations. He seems personally wounded by the concept, like something about this implication strikes home with him in a way he can’t stomach. Natsume opens his mouth to speak, to say anything to take the pain back, but Kanata cuts him off. “None of us can ‘handle’ this on our ‘own’. We ‘need’ each other. That’s why we’re ‘here’ with ‘you’.”

“You’re just not lettin’ us help you.” Rei is closer now without Natsume even realizing he’d moved, a shadowed form of black and crimson striking in the night, his fingers idly petting Natsume’s hair, and Natsume feels overwhelmed by this; the proximity of them, the care in their voices. Undeserved, he thinks. “I know how you’re feelin’. You keep tryin’ to deal with this all by yourself, like it’s your responsibility or somethin’, but you can’t and it isn’t. You aren’t gonna help any of us by pullin’ yourself away.”

“Aren’t I?” Natsume can’t stop himself from asking, the taste of the question bitter. Finally, the unspoken truth that’s been haunting him for the past several weeks. “I’m not like all of You, isn’t that Right? Wouldn’t this have been easier on all of you if I weren’t around to cause so many Problems?”

Rei clicks his tongue, frowning down at him. “That’s not why we kept you away, you know.”

“And you did not cause anything,” Shu says sternly, advancing on them just enough to make himself heard but still maintaining his distance. “Tenshouin did this. If you blame yourself for this, then he has won. You cannot let him win. We have come so close to losing everything, Natsume.” He takes a breath and closes his eyes, clearly struggling to speak in such a way without Mademoiselle present to speak for him, yet he perseveres. When he opens his eyes, his gaze hurts almost as much as the tone of his voice. “We _cannot_ lose you as well.”

It’s a simple statement, but it registers forceful, like the breaking of a spell, that Shu means it. That they all mean it. That he’s _wanted_ , _needed_ , and all at once their hands feel like a weight on his skin, their words a weight in his body, and he realizes he hasn’t felt so present in a moment since the thick of the war began. They’ve always loved one another, certainly, Kanata was right, but some part of him always assumed he was somewhat of a misfit, in the end. A part of the equation that was never quite factored in. These were his heroes, his protectors, legends and myths and gods and lore, and what was he? Just a boy inadvertently crossing their path, the one whose eyes sparkled when they spoke because he idolized them, the one whose heart raced when they deigned to show him attention because he was desperate for them. The one without an idol’s talent, without a unit to his name, whose only skills amounted to mastery of magic and trickery that wasn’t even powerful enough to help them when they needed it most. The sharp tongue, the thorn in their side, the useless hanged man.

Yet, despite all of this, they love him. Not in the sense of loving him because it’s obligatory, or in the sense that they love him through the breaking but will leave him once they realize he wasn’t worth it, they love him the way he’s always loved them. When Kanata smiled at him like he was the sunset, when Shu whispered to him about how he was _precious_ and _cherished_ , when Rei kissed him with a sonata of night on his tongue, when Wataru pet him and let him fall asleep in his lap as he read aloud, they meant it. They loved him through it all, and he was too busy tearing himself apart to recognize it, to allow himself to feel worthy of it, to do anything other than let his own guilt consume him whole as he tried to rebuild an empire himself with his hands tied.

He wanted to do everything for them before they inevitably left him behind, but the truth has always been so simple: they aren’t going to leave him.

His heartbeat pounds in his ears and something like fresh lightning bursts along the edges of his skin. Rei and Kanata both jerk back in surprise, coaxing a laugh out of Natsume that even catches him off-guard. It feels amazing to laugh. He hadn’t even known he still had the sound in him, but here it is, bright and vivid and almost hysterical, and maybe he’s laughing at the situation, or for joy, or because he’s such an _idiot_. Rei is grinning at him like he knows something, and knowing Rei, he probably does.

“I’m Sorry,” Natsume apologizes through his laughter, running a hand through his hair and feeling the spark of the contact. “It isn’t quite so simple to control the way magic wants to say ‘Thank You’.”

Kanata seems to catch on, pressing his fingers to his lips as he smiles, lights up with muffled laughter. Shu is smiling, too, Natsume realizes, and there’s such a change in the atmosphere it feels all at once as though a blanket of darkness has been pulled off of them. For this moment, none of them are broken, and perhaps that is the real truth; all of them are whole, here, together. Pieced together wrong, but pieced together nonetheless. The thought blooms warm in his chest, reaches towards the sun.

“Ah! It seems I’ve missed out on the cue for the joke. What a shame, I was so hoping for a dramatic entrance!”

Wataru’s booming voice is too loud for such a small room. Certainly a locked door wouldn’t be enough to stop their magician, but it’s always a mystery when, how, and why Wataru appears somewhere. Another glimpse of normality. At least he didn’t bring the doves, this time.

“Could you provide us with some warning, Wataru?” Shu asks testily, clearly startled, and Wataru just beams at him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. Shu pointedly looks away.

“My deepest apologies, Shu. I will take your suggestion into consideration.”

Natsume is intent on him, always intent, drawn in, but this time searching for something. He certainly doesn’t look like someone who’s just witnessed firsthand what it feels like to fall from grace; he’s all bravado as usual, a heavenly creature in tones of black and blue and shimmering gold, scripture written in the way he smiles. His hair is still in its braid and ponytail, his eyes devious and joyful, and he looks every bit like the star Natsume has always wanted to gravitate towards. It feels like seeing him allows everything to fall back into its proper place.

“I wasn’t expecting You, Shi--” Natsume cuts himself off abruptly, recalling what Wataru requested of him backstage. The term feels foreign in his mouth, almost like sacrilege, but he says it all the same. “Wataru-niisan.”

Wataru brightens at this, grinning. “My dearest Natsume-kun, haven’t you learned by now to _always_ expect me? Why, in fact, am I not always in the places you would least expect?”

“Went backstage to tell him where we’d be before we left,” Rei leans in to explain, gesturing at Wataru, “and that we figured you could use a little cheerin’ up, though I guess that seems to’ve resolved itself, hm?”

Wataru presses a hand to his chest and dips a bit towards Rei in the form of a faux bow. “I am but a benevolent subject to your whims, Rei.”

Rei raises an eyebrow with a smile that almost registers as arrogant. “Got that right.”

“We ‘missed’ you,” Kanata says dreamily, wandering over to Wataru to let Wataru fondly wrap an arm around his shoulders and pressing up against his side. Shu rolls his eyes in a way that is very poorly disguised, if at all, and Kanata smiles teasingly at him. “You can always ‘join’ us, Shu. You’ve been ‘hiding’ yourself ‘away’ all the time. Don’t be so ‘selfish’.”

Shu crosses his arms and clears his throat, disregarding the offer. Natsume tries not to laugh again, catching Wataru’s attention.

“Natsume-kun,” he says, and his voice has a softer and more serious edge to it than it normally does. “Are you truly alright? Rei seems to suggest that you’re in brighter spirits, but I did find some wreckage that a certain someone may have left in the hallway to suggest otherwise.” It takes Natsume a moment to make sense of this, but when he does, the smile drifts off of his face. How could he forget? “Forgive me,” Wataru continues as he draws a scrap of paper from his pocket, “but I must ask. Is this what I believe it to be?”

Natsume feels immediately chastised, toying with the pentagram on his necklace in order to give himself something to do with his hands, but he resolutely refuses to look away. Not now. Not when things are getting _better_ , when they might be _okay_. “If you believe it to be the script I wrote for You, that’s Correct.” A hush falls over the room and Natsume realizes with an uncomfortable wave of shame that none of them would have known this aside from Rei, who likely hadn’t realized judging by the sidelong look he’s giving Natsume now. “You didn’t need It,” Natsume explains, attempting at sounding convincing. “You were incredible with or without my Help.”

Wataru’s gaze is firm. “Natsume-kun, you should know as well as I that magicians are aware when words of magic are being used as lies. Why did you do this?”

“I…” Natsume finally has to break eye contact, looking instead at the far wall and trying to breathe through the silence, all of their eyes on him. “You didn’t need It,” he repeats, more subdued. “You didn’t want It. It was just as you Said, such things are a pipe Dream. It wouldn’t have changed Anything. What was the point in keeping It?”

Wataru lets go of Kanata and is upon him in several long strides, wrapping Natsume up in a tight, wordless hug, Natsume’s face pressed into his chest. Natsume’s heart thrums and he curves his arms up Wataru’s back, grasping at fabric, not caring anymore how desperate or how selfish he appears -- not now, not like this, not with them. Wataru is warm and the embrace is comforting and Natsume finally allows himself to _feel_ it for a few breathless moments, how much Wataru loves him.

How much they all love him.

“I don’t want you to worry about Me,” Natsume presses, his voice a bit muffled, and Wataru loosens his grip just enough to allow him to lean back and gain some breathing room. He looks up into lavender eyes, the eyes of his mentor, his teacher -- everything, to him. “I won’t hide that I was Upset, but I wasn’t seeing Clearly. I was…”

Natsume tries to search for the words to convey what he wants to say. When he feels hands on his stomach he jumps a bit before he realizes it’s Rei settling in behind him, pressing up against his back, his cheek resting against Natsume’s hair. His fingers clench involuntarily in Wataru’s jacket at the sensation, the feeling of both of them like a light and dark he’s trapped between, and Wataru and Rei share a look that seems to be communicating something Natsume can’t quite read. “Go on, Natsume,” Rei urges him quietly. “We’ve all been waitin’ for you to talk.”

As if beckoned by the words, Shu and Kanata both approach them. Shu settles on Natsume’s right, leaning against Rei’s shoulder with a huff because he isn’t allowed much access otherwise. Natsume knows this must get to him; he’s always a bit possessive of things he loves, and Natsume appears to be much higher on that list than he first thought. Kanata is content on his left, sliding his fingers through the longer side of Natsume’s hair with care and observing him. He feels enveloped by them, enraptured by them as though this is the first time they’ve done this all over again, and it takes a long moment to detach himself from just focusing on the places where all of them are touching.

Clearing his throat and summoning his train of thought, Natsume continues. “I was Foolish. This entire time I’ve been blinded by thinking that all of you thought less of me for causing you to go through This, when I was the only one thinking That. I left because I couldn’t handle seeing you Lose, thinking it was my Fault, when it was your Choice. It was your choice to protect Me, because…” Natsume has to pause again as he lets the full power of the words build in measure, trying not to let them turn to volatile magic in his mouth. “Because you love me as much as I have always loved You. There’s only one way to repay That, and I know what it is Now.”

Wataru’s eyes are glimmering with something that looks suspiciously like pride, and that much alone is enough to fill Natsume’s heart close to bursting. To make Wataru proud… It’s all he’s ever wanted, yet he had always been going about it the wrong way, searching in places the answer would never be found. It was never in the script, or the tricks, or the knowledge; it was always here, in him. “And what is that, Natsume-kun?”

“I have to be Strong.” Natsume raises his chin in defiance when he says this, and a hand he thinks is Shu’s rests on his shoulder as if it’s the only way to communicate _yes, keep going_ , and he can hear his own heartbeat in his ears, spurring him on. “You sheltered me because you saw something in Me, and I want to bring that to Life. If it’s the last thing I do with my last dying Breath, I swear to you that I will rise up from This. I will catch up to all of you and I will show you why fighting for me was worth It. I will burn The Five Oddballs into everyone’s memories as something Precious, tear down the remnants of what the Emperor has Broken, and bloom flowers of love in their Place. That is my promise to You.”

Natsume feels Rei’s lips brush his head in the faintest of affections, something like a _good boy_ that doesn’t want to break the silence. Shu grips his shoulder in wordless affirmation. Kanata giggles in that floaty, happy manner Natsume has craved to hear from him again, his fingers wrapped up in Natsume’s hair. In the end, though, it’s the fondness in Wataru’s gaze that can’t be rivalled. “Very well-said, Natsume-kun,” Wataru praises, freeing his right arm to tilt Natsume’s chin further upwards, “but you have always been strong.”

It’s then that Wataru dips his head enough to kiss Natsume, and though they’ve kissed before, it’s never meant as much as this. The taste of happiness rests on Wataru’s lips and Natsume surrenders to him, sighing against his mouth, allowing himself to finally _let go_. Wataru may have lost, but they have won; their hands, their mouths on him, joyous, proud, loving, this is the victory they sought all along, one Natsume has wanted just as much. Their kiss is a symphony of rebellion, and Wataru breaks it just to kiss him again, deeper, pulling him closer as if to punctuate the feeling. The others are holding him tightly in all the ways that they can, and Shu breathes “ _beautiful_ ” near his ear, and Rei says “ _isn't he_ ”, and Natsume doesn’t know which one of them it’s meant for and doesn’t care. Warmth sings through him, his thoughts hazy and full of visions of stars, suspended in this moment with the light of heaven spilling holy through his veins.

Perhaps his wounds were never a black hole, but part of a constellation that they form together.

When Wataru parts from him, he touches their foreheads, allowing them to exist in that space peacefully for a few breaths before he speaks.

“I have loved you all so much," he murmurs.

“We Know,” Natsume whispers with a smile on his breath.

“Mmm. Unfortunately, the time has come where I must bid a farewell, as there is… Business I must attend to, but I do hope none of you think of this as a final parting. It is nothing so maudlin, as I am merely a piece being moved on the king’s grand chessboard. May you all find it within your beautiful hearts to forgive me.” Wataru punctuates this by running his thumb over Natsume’s lips, looking at him as if he’s the only one in the room, and a shiver races up Natsume’s spine.

“You’re one of us, Wataru,” Rei says, squeezing Natsume a bit closer. “We’re not just gonna forget you. How could we?”

Wataru huffs a sigh of relief and a smile that seems a bit tired around the edges. “Of course, and thank you, my friend. I would expect no less. Before I go, I have a gift for the precious star that will be taking my stead.”

Natsume blinks at him, startled out of his stupor. “What?”

Wataru laughs, a low rumble against Natsume where their bodies are pressed together, and reaches behind his back with his free hand. There’s a static shock that Natsume can feel travel down his arms like a welcome purr, the familiar electricity of magic current travelling between them, and Wataru produces the most vibrant red rose Natsume has ever seen before his eyes.

Natsume furrows his brow. “Pulling a flower out of the Air? Wataru-niisan, is now really the time for such base Tricks?”

Wataru just gives him another fond smile, brushing the silk of the flower playfully over Natsume’s nose and causing him to wrinkle it. “So quick to judge, Natsume-kun. I’ve failed if I have not taught you better than that!” Wataru moves to attempt to place the rose in his hair. “This is but a rose in name, yet not in nature. It is everlasting, you see. These petals will never wilt, and this flower will never die; it will always only bloom, just like you.”

“I don’t know if--”

“I can do 'that',” Kanata offers in the form of a smooth and melodic interruption, holding out his hand. “Don’t let Nacchan be ‘pricked’ by those ‘thorns’.”

There's another laugh as Wataru hands the rose to Kanata. “Of course. If you would be so kind, Kanata.”

Natsume tries to stay still as the rose is braided into his hair. He’s never heard of such a thing as simple conjuring magic being able to materialize something so complicated as an everlasting flower that never dies, and under other circumstances he may mention as such, but right now he’s content to believe it. Believing is the integral foundation of magic, after all; if no one believed in tricks such as these, there would be no joy in the art. Besides, the sentiment itself would be just as touching with or without the smoke and mirrors. So, instead of questioning it, he smiles.

“Thank you, Wataru-niisan.”

Wataru presses a kiss to his forehead, cupping his jaw to look at him seriously. “There is no need to thank me. A simple ghost such as myself should be thanking _you_ for showing me the meaning of true courage. I know you will go on to do wondrous things, Natsume-kun. We’ll all be looking forward to it, won’t we?”

“Always have been,” Rei murmurs, his arms tight around Natsume.

“I have never doubted it,” Shu says, his fingers running up through Natsume’s hair.

“Nacchan is ‘always’ wonderful,” Kanata sighs as he finishes the braid, nuzzling into Natsume’s side.

Natsume feels a flush on his cheeks, and he turns his face away in a poor attempt to hide it. “I know you will be Watching, and I will make every single one of you Proud.” He pauses for a breath, and then closes his eyes. He drops the twisted inflection at the ends of his words, yet whispers it so low and with such devotion it could be a spell bound to the room itself: “I love you.”

Perhaps the Emperor has struck them down one by one, tarnished their names and left them crawling in the dirt. Perhaps he has left them with scars that will never heal, phantoms that will haunt them in the night, robbed them of their former glory. However, there is one thing he has not taken and will not take from them, and it’s this: all of them, together, broken but rebuilding in all the right ways.

Natsume has something more powerful than runes, than incantations, than spells and tricks and secret passageways, than anything the Emperor has ever seen.

He has them, and that will always be more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm pretty much a five oddballs bot, so if you want more oddballs content, you can always find me on twitter as [kingsiderook](http://twitter.com/kingsiderook)! in this house we... the five oddballs. ♡


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